We had chaperones on our Honeymoon!!

Nobody woke me up for this

I regained consciousness after 7 hours of drooling, to the Captain’s announcement that we were about to descend into Melbourne’s Tullamarine airport. I sighed in disappointment.


It was yet another flight that I’d missed the meals and entertainment. The movies, I didn’t mind so much. It was the plane food that I wanted to get my hands onto.


Never mind I told myself, I’m keeping awake on the way back.

    

Whippy and Lilu

My husband and I were on our honeymoon and the 6-day trip to Melbourne was going to be our first international trip together. Ever! And because of that, we planned in great detail the attractions that we were going to cover. The list was endless. It was going to be a trip filled with love and romantic touristy things. 


And then the bombshell dropped. 

My parents, my eldest bro, his wife, their child and the nanny decided to tag along. And they encouraged us to go cheap and stay at the other brother, Jason’s house in the suburbs. Let me tell you, Jason's place is 45 minutes away from any sort of pulsating activity. Jason’s wife would be there. Grandpa too. Our homeless cousin. And their 2 dogs.


And so the whole mad holiday began. My husband, myself and our unwelcome entourage.

Not easy finding a spot to sit

Day 1 was high tea at Miss Marples, Mount Dandenong. People who live in the City have filled their tanks full and packed picnic baskets just to make the 50 minute drive. However, since we already live so far out in whoop-whoop land, with merely an eighth of a tank left, we shot off. 

We reached in 10 minutes flat. 

Antique bookstore

Mount Dandenong is magical. It’s a charming little village surrounded by lots of greenery, dotted by bursts of flowers everywhere. It’s a real-life fairytale which makes you think of Frasers Hill and Hansel & Gretel all rolled into one. We spent about an hour wandering through the quaint boutique shops that sold tea leaves, decorative items, interesting knick-knacks and just enjoying the fresh air and calmness. 

Scones here are fantastic

Thereafter, our troupe rolled into Miss Marples, famous for their tea and scones. The delicacies were unbelievably light and fluffy, breaking into soft crumbles as you bite into them. And need I mention the cream and jam? It was just that right amount of sweet and savory. 

Awesome! The perfect way to kick-start the holiday.

Just put together

On the way back home, we stopped by an open field to fly 1 of Jason's 3 hobbies - the Remote control aeroplane. Whether it was the strong winds, a misjudgement on how near the trees really were or that his skills were bad, but our flying expedition didn't last very long. 



Just before the crash

In making a curve, the Yak flew straight into the branches and  fell to the ground with a crack. Something broke. And so, after 5 minutes, that was the end of Jason's AUD700 show-and-tell. Without a further word from any of us, we all turned towards the car to return home.



Steak with blue cheese, yum

That night, Jason introduced us to a typical Australian Saturday evening with the family. Using 2 barbeque pits simultaneously, he whipped up sausages, chicken wings, lamb racks, steaks, a giant watermelon salad and Blue Cheese dressing. And the best part wasn’t just that we all ate heaps and got fat. It was cheap cheap cheap - just AUD6 (RM18) a pax! 

I guarantee you that you wouldn't be able to find that sort of price back here in Malaysia. So, when you're in Australia, do remember...the cows are just a truck-ride away, so tuck in to all the Black Angus you can find. 


And when you're done, just have another piece for fun.


Day 2 found us in Phillip Island, about a 2 hour drive away for fish & chips and fishing. Fish & chips was actually Flake & chips, i.e. shark meat. It tasted weird, kind of like fish but not quite. Flesh is chewy, a little like over-cooked chicken. Good thing the chips were topped with Vinegar, because it took the edge off that vile, hard piece of thing! 

Torch to see into the dark waters

After that eating debacle, we started fishing. Now, fishing in the middle of a May Melbourne night, on a jetty 1 km out to sea is NOT clever! It’s freezing! I’m talking a low of 10 degrees Celsius with super gale-force winds to make your ears lose any sort of sensation and your eyes tear. We're smiling alright, but inside, we're iced!

And despite the biting cold, we sat on the jetty for an hour and a half to battle a huge undersea creature yanking at our line. Turned out we became human popsicles for just a bunch of sea weed.

Chandon's wine tour

The following day was nice and sunny with a high of 20 degrees. So, we set off to the Chandon Estate, Yarra Valley in shorts and t-shirts (jackets were in the car for standby - you can never guess the unpredictable Melbourne weather!). The drive was scenic as we passed through other vineyards and acres of open fields upon which grazed fat and juicy cows. But you’ll know when you’ve reached Chandon. Hints start with the majestic drive into the Estate, topped with panoramic views of uninterrupted greenery. We went for the tour of course which taught us how sparkling wine is made, and we visited their pride and joy - the famous Riddling cellar - where thousands of bottles are harvested to maturity. 

Grandpa needs a top-up

But being a true-blue Malaysian, the best part of the visit was lunch at Chandon’s Greenpoint Brasserie - their awesome on-site restaurant. We ate so much seafood, tapas, pasta and cheese platters and we drank way too much Cuvee Riche that I had to loosen my pants, so I could stuff in just that bit more. Even my 90-year old grandpa couldn't get enough of the food and sparkling. A must visit, I honestly swear by it.

Day 5 saw us make the long, but picturesque drive down one of the world’s most breathtakingly beautiful coasts - the Great Ocean Road, to visit the 12 Apostles. The walk out the pier at the Port Campbell National Park makes you grateful to be able to witness beauty at its best. But I have to warn you. The pressure so far out does hurt the ears. I don’t know what it is, whether it was the wind or water, but my eardrums felt like they were about to implode. 



Part of the 12 Apostles clan



Anyway, these Apostles are actually limestone “statues” rising up to 45 feet high and which have been left stranded out in the Southern Ocean. Fast forward a few million years to 2010, there are only 8 left. It’s a Geography lesson on a countdown, so do make the trip to visit them soon or there won’t be any left to see.

The serious head chef

Dinner that night was held at an authentic neighborhood Japanese outfit called Shira Nui in Glen Waverley. The head chef is the owner himself, a Japanese man who is highly passionate about his cooking. So serious to the point that if you're stuffed from having 20 pieces of sushi each, he'll still expect you to swallow every grain of rice attached (I'm not kidding!!).

"No soya sauce"

Now, this man is very stern with his instructions on how you should eat his food - "no soya sauce" or "use soya sauce" each and every time he serves up a new set. We had 10 variation pairs of sushi from eel to salmon to something called King Fisher or the King of Fish. We spent approximately AUD1,000 that night for the 10 of us, but when we left the diner, all we had was praise for the chef and a promise to return. 

Grandpa's new Mohawk

By Day 6, the hosts were getting tired of taking us around. So, my husband and I were left to our own devices. As expected, we got bored. And so we decided that Grandpa needed a haircut. Bright and early, we wheeled him against his will to the patio and commenced our genius with the scissors. 


Let me tell you, cutting hair is not as easy as how the professionals make it look. We kept trying to keep the haircut symmetrical, but each time we tried, the worse it got. Eventually, Grandpa's hair got so short from our repeated re-work that we decided to hack it all off. Out came the shearers, and off came the hair. Although everyone in the house was ecstatic about Grandpa's new look, somehow, I don't think he felt the same.


Thank Goodness that was our last day in Melbourne, because Grandpa was complaining incessantly about his hair do. That afternoon we kissed everyone goodbye, including Grandpa and the 2 dogs and we were driven to Tullamarine for our flight back to KL. In all, the trip was fantastic, but for a honeymoon, we could have done with a little less people. Anyhow, all of us managed to cover lots of must-see places and we know that we will return again for more.


Why can't I just keep awake?

On the flight back, I sat upright, tried to focus on the magazine I had and not get comfortable. However, it was absolutely impossible to fight the strain of the bright lights and the lull of the plane staff getting the passengers settled in.

And so, I missed my share of plane food again.


This is what happened.